Losing my Religion

"Oh Lord, give me the patience to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am not being a goody-goodie preacher here, I just appreciate this quotation so much. . . I was born. Catholic. . . tenent. . . the usual "endanemopdapader" things and rituals. . . I was always brought to Church every Sunday when I was a kid, Church for me is wall-fans, long-benches, soft kneeling-bars (if that's what they call it), angel statues holding a sink, boring sermons and the like. . . But I like churches, they are very solemn places where you can relax, pray (or pretend to) very artistically designed buildings/structures, built to last. But the sermons. . .

If only The Almighty could comment to his priestly minions. . .

OLMAYTI: ENERGY!!! Lame douche bags. . . But this particular. . . very particular sermon was tattooed on my mind. . .

If you hold on to a thing with both hands how could you catch the better things that are bigger and better and good for you?. . .

Kung nakahawak ka sa iisang bagay ng mahigpit gamit ang dalawang kamay mo, papaano mo masasalo ang ibang bagay na ibinibigay sa iyo?

and that was it. . . after that sermon every good things happened to my life. . . good or bad, but they contributed a lot to who I am now, co'z letting go could make or break the butterfly effect. . . we all have a choice. . . but most of the time it's better to let go of the things that is out of our control. . .

A letter to heaven. . .

. . . do you know why devils are so admired? ..its because they know how to fight even though they are doomed to fall . . .

[]-[]________

Ilang recess na ang tiniis para lang ma-angkin ka,
para kahit papaano marinig ko ang kargada mong musika,
halos mahilo sa gutom at mamilipit sa kalam ng tyan,
matatapos lang ang pinitensya ko pag alam kong ikay nandyan.

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko,
kahit di totoo,
kahit di tulad ng iniisip ng iba,
basta't alam kong kaya mo akong pasayahin,
kahit sa mga oras na akoy mag-isa,
masasabi kong tayong dalawa ay iisa.

Alam kong paminsan-minsan nananahimik ka,
kahit papaano nauubos din ang iyong baterya,
kaya sa mga oras na tahimik at kailangan kita,
wala akong magawa kundi titigan ka,
gawing salamin upang makita ang sariling mga ngiti at saya.

pero ngayong putol na ang isang linya,
para bang di kumpleto ang saya.
ngayong sira na,
tinititigan nalang kita. . .
di sigurado kung gagana pa. . .

iniisip. . .
kung dapat pa bang buuin ka. . .

Strike two. . .

Don't assume or you'll regret it,
if you want everything to end,
just go preach it,

Just try. . .
reveal my secrets,
empower your lies,


I'm tired of this stupidity,
I made it clear to you that friendship is all about longevity,
Of trust,
Of respect,
Of understanding and most of all of Principles and boundaries. . .

As simple as that.

Nothing more nothing less. . .

I drew this line before,
so visible it's obviously seen by all.
Why do you keep on ignoring it,
your oh so lame excuses, your not a kid.


Read this and get mad. . .
Snob me in the hall. . .
like what you did before. . .
you know what comes after two. . .

Don't let the third strike come for you. . .

Enigmatic. . .

This lady in the hallway,
she always summons this unfathomable sighs,
this stealthy frowns,
hidden beneath her icy crown. . .

Mystery. . .

She's so mysterious in ways that Even I cannot anticipate,
In a language that I can't communicate,
In motions where I was left frozen. . .

From boring grasses to Green leaves,
to Purple petals and now this. . .

Mystery. . .
Your mystery. . .
I dig your apathy. . .

Only to find out your mystery was all along my. . . .




Misery. . .

Awakening. . .

They said that it is possible for someone to wake up one morning and not feel the same way they felt yesterday, for that special someone, for that only thing, for that something. . .

Gone. . .

Totally forgotten. . .

Erased. . .

like dusts in the wind,
like sand in your palms,
like water in your hands. . .

only difference is that they disappear without logic,
without explanation,
without reason. . .
like evaporation but without any other formation. . .

Non-existent. . .

And if one day I woke up and forgot about you

then i'll go back to sleep. . .
for days,
or months,
years or decades,
centuries or milleniums. . .

I'll Hibernate. . .

just to remember the feeling. . . that feeling that once made me want to live. . .
that some thing i'd die for. . . that reason that i'll be a fool for. . .

If all else fails. . . just dont wake me anymore

Over-Decaffeinated People

Placebos. . . Placebos. . . Placebo effect. . .

When will it end?

I have returned to my old past time favorite. . . COFFEE . . .

For weeks I've been drinking coffee to soothe my morning sickness and to be more than awake in front of the PC. forty days and forty nights. . . err. that was my routine coffee in the Morning. Until we went to the grocery to refill that dying jar of coffee. . .


I noticed that my Mother bought "DECAF" and I asked her if i could buy a separate coffee but with caffeine on it. . . she said OK. . . and asked her again. . .

"Is that DECAF in our cofee jar all this time?"

"YES"

. . . The whole universe spun around me in a hazy and purplish kind of way like emploding and exploding at the same time, like being sucked in a black hole then suddenly finding my self in disbelief at the center of the grocery store. . .

A big "?!!" was in my thought bubble. .

and that was me. . . Scared, Paralyzed, Betrayed. . .


All this time I believed that that coffee helped me to stay up in the oddest hours of the morning. .
All this time I believed that that cup of coffee helped me keep my sanity and my self in place. . .


The mind is tricky. . .
What you believe is what you see. . .
What you believe is what you feel. . .
What you believe is what you are. . .
What you think you put in your mouth makes you stronger. . . but in reality, if it's DECAF. . .

you're a fucking loooooooooooooooooser...

Feel Good Music

Mortality

I made this essay and gave it to my Ex-Girlfriend as a speech for her father's funeral. I just want to share this to anyone who's reading this blog.

Death, Many of us fear death...
many of us look at it as the Dead end of life, Agony, Torment, Pain and even failure.
But we must look at at the brighter side, Because for some death is a blessing...
it is the ultimate expression of our mortality.

Death is just the separation of our soul to our physical body and not the separation of our relationship to our loved ones
because love is more powerful than death.

We all live in this world once, a chance that the divine gave us to search for our purpose and to search for the meaning of life itself...
to find answers, answers that will lead to more questions... questions that will lead to even more questions... the never ending process of searching for the truth.
until we stop asking God and in that moment we will realize that answers come in their own rightful time that God has intended for our own sake... for our own good
that we will all eventually thank him in the future for his perfect and flawless plans.

Feel Good Music

Reflections

"Pain makes us make bad decisions, fear of pain is almost as big a motivator. " ~ house

BLOODY IRONIC

sanely insane
secretively open
seriously funny
strangely familiar
vulnerably strong
sinfully good
tremendously small
girlishly masculine
dangerously harmless
friendly foe
terribly nice
passively aggressive
sleepy insomniac
grown up kid
hopeless optimist
nameless celebrity
roaring silence
perfectly human
complicatedly simple
terminally everlasting

THE PLACEBO EFFECT

YOU ARE FINE.